


the not confessing confession 101

by fated_addiction



Series: your freshman class [3]
Category: GOT7, K-pop, KARA (Band), Korean Actor RPF, 룸메이트 | Roommate (TV)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 16:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3698348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The list suddenly appears out of nowhere and by nowhere, she means the girls' bathroom upstairs, right underneath Nana's cluster of makeup, Sunny's morning routine, and Guk Joo's leftover performance stuff that she hasn't gotten rid of.</i>
</p>
<p>Youngji, by nature, is a planner. But sometimes she really sucks at it. Like a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the not confessing confession 101

**Author's Note:**

> Another request via [tumblr](http://fated-addiction.tumblr.com/). Since I couldn't help myself.

The list suddenly appears out of nowhere and by nowhere, she means the girls' bathroom upstairs, right underneath Nana's cluster of makeup, Sunny's morning routine, and Guk Joo's leftover performance stuff that she hasn't gotten rid of. It's more than likely that she wasn't supposed to find it and that Jackson decided to give the list to Guk Joo, who forgot about it in the middle of her crazy schedule.

But it's morning when she finds it, just before breakfast duty and after her shower, hair wet and staining her sweater as she runs a hand through her knots and curls.

WHY I WANT TO DATE HEO YOUNGJI

"Wait," she mutters, flustered. The list is just, well, _there_. She picks up the paper. She drops it. She even turns around, walking to the tub and sitting on the edge. She counts to ten, pushes herself back up, and moves to the vanity again.

1\. SHE'S PRETTY. SHE'S NOT MY IDEAL TYPE. BUT SHE'S LIKE SUPER PRETTY AND SHE'S EVEN PRETTIER WITH HER PERSONALITY AND I LIKE GIRLS WHO ARE PRETTY SURPRISES.

"I --" Her eyes are huge. Her fingers curl around the paper and she can't be reading this, she's not supposed to be reading this, and yet, there's a piece of paper with her name on it, her hands are sort of, kind of trembling, and this _has to be a joke_. "Yah --"

2\. SHE FIGHTS WITH ME BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE FIGHTS WITH ME AND IT WOULD BE BORING IF WE DIDN'T FIGHT. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE OR WHATEVER. (THANKS GUK JOO NOONA!)

"I forgot my --"

Youngji looks up, flushed. Guk Joo's mouth drops and they're both, well, caught, and she can't even begin to figure out some sort of explanation for the piece of paper in her hand because she still has to cook breakfast and she hasn't even had coffee because this. so. can't. be. real.

"You found it?" Guk Joo says slowly, then grabs her performance things, shoving them into her bag. She smiles brightly, then turns to their mirror to check her makeup. "I mean, I didn't mean to leave it there. He asked me to read it and I said yes and are you okay?"

"I'm okay --" her voice is faint and then she's reading the third point out loud, "she sees me as a man? That's number three. Why is that number three, eonni?"

Guk Joo laughs, as if there were nothing else to do, marches over to her and drops her bag. She takes the list from her gently, folding the piece of paper into fourths and then pocketing it into her jacket.

She takes Youngji by the arms, shaking her a little. She grins widely and then sighs, almost too dramatically.

"I'm going to be the fairy godmother," she says. "Like a good eonni. And I'll collect on the favor for the two of you to do something for me later. BUT --"

Youngji looks up, still sort of stunned. She read three things. She saw five, maybe seven of them and it's weird, really, since she's the one that writes lists and Jackson doesn't really like them. He's the more spontaneous of them both and that should surprise no one.

"I'm going to tell you two things," Guk Joo finishes. "It's a great list and you should ask him about it later." She smiles slowly, really slowly, like she's got the greatest idea too and that makes Youngji ridiculously nervous. "And," she tugs at her hair, "you should probably kiss him first."

Youngji was so NOT expecting that.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

They talk when she is in Japan. She's scribbled all over a napkin SHE IS NOT MY IDEAL TYPE while listening to him talk about Taiwan. Usually, she can fake it a little better but there's something that bothers her more about that first part of Jackson's list, like it's a backhanded compliment and she can't even go and hit him.

"And then I said," Jackson's voice breaks in, "that sure, dude, I'll totally go rob a bank. I know a guy who knows a guy who knows another guy."

"Someone should revoke your movie picking privileges," she says dryly.

"So you were listening!"

Her mouth curls. She coughs through a tired laugh and shifts, sitting back in her bed. She glares at the napkin. SHE IS NOT MY IDEAL TYPE. So what, she thinks. Why is this bothering her anyway?

"You're like a million miles away," he says.

"I am."

Jackson snorts. "You're not cute."

"I am though," she shoots back, throwing the napkin to the floor. She pouts, pressing her knees to her chest. "I'm just tired and a little cranky," she mumbles. "Sorry," she adds too. "We were stuck at the airport a little longer than plan."

"Weather?"

She shrugs, as if he could see her. "I guess so."

"You should sleep," he tells her. "I don't like the sound of your voice. You should rest when it's this busy."

"You should take your own advice," she points out too and he goes and laughs.

It's weird, she thinks, because these are the times where she thinks she misses him, not the most, but the best, because there are too many ways one can miss someone. She knows things like _Roommate_ are meant to end and that the two of them, if anything but, will refuse to lose contact with each other. There is always that.

But there's a part of her, a very big part of her, that misses him with pieces that she is uncertain and protective of, those pieces that could, if anything, dangerously push her to drop and admit the world to him if he asked her. Because he's that person to her. Somehow, some way. It's so terrifying to know. So when she stares at the napkin, crumbled now on the floor, by her shoes and away from her, she can still see hints of the ink, blue, bright, and SHE IS NOT MY IDEAL TYPE staring back at her.

"I have a question."

Her mouth opens. Then it closes. She listens to him stutter into a sigh. "That doesn't sound good," he replies, slowly. She hears him muffle the phone. There's laughter. Then a door shuts. "Is it a bad question?" he asks. "You sound serious."

"It's not a bad question --"

"But it's not good," he interrupts. "You sound _way_ to serious, Youngji-ah."

"I'm not trying to be," she says. Then sort of snaps. "I'm just _tired_ \--" she shakes her head, her hair spilling forward. "I should probably go to bed."

"What's wrong?" he asks, then he's more serious, like serious-serious, and it makes her heart start to race. She can pick and filter through the tones, pull apart pitches, and piece together the variety of emotions. She pays too much attention to Jackson's and maybe a little more to her mother's, but Jackson's, even when she can't see him, she can piece together all his expressions. Her heart is in her throat and she misses him more, maybe too much.

She doesn't remember what she says. It doesn't matter what she says.

She decides here.

She is going to kiss him first.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

This is not an event.

Seriously. This is not an event. 

If it were an event, she'd be a little more careful, there would be details and stuff and definitely, definitely, she would have to get her eonnis involved because she's totally clumsy about these things, even though she has FEELINGS and they've gone from _feelings_ to FEELINGS without her being aware of it all.

He is back from Taiwan, but not at the _Roommate_ house which is perfect, really, because she has no desire to fight the cameras and play the house roulette game with something like this, which, by the way, she takes very, very, VERY seriously.

But Jia from Miss A is the one that sort of sneaks her into the company, even though, duh, she could have walked right in but she really didn't want to be that obvious. She's the one that suggests a birthday present as a decoy too. The older girl is easy to convince because all Youngji says and says quite bluntly, "I really, really, _REALLY_ need to do something stupid. And it's about boys."

"A boy," Jia grins widely. "A particular boy," she says too, finishing Youngji's thoughts and grabbing her hand without any sort of hesitation. She takes the bag that Youngji carries too. "Just in case!" she adds.

"I guess," she mumbles.

They sneak up the back stairs ("For DRAMA!" Jia insists.) and no, no Jackson isn't the only one in the practice room so how is she going to go and do this. There is no plan. It's stupid because there SHOULD be a plan. Youngji is a planner, after all. But today, apparently, she's the worst because she's only ever thought of coming here.

"Can I have your first born?" Jia asks.

Youngji's eyes are wide. "Uh," she breathes. "I think you may have to fight Sunny-eonni for that. Or Guk Joo-eonni. Definitely Hara-eonni. She might just take you all on for that. Because she's already -- oh my god, I'm rambling."

Jia beams, ruffling her hair. "You're adorable."

"I'm confused," she mutters, which, if anything, is sort of half-true. She's confused about her lack of plan. She's a planner. Going into his _territory_ is a terrible idea. But it's the only thing she could think of doing first.

At the end of the stairs though, she's dragged into a hallway and then pushed forward, towards a set of doors at the end. Jia drops her hand and nudges her shoulders.

"He's there."

"Seriously?" Youngji blinks. The music starts abruptly. It's loud and there's laughter. She sort of pales. "I --"

"You can do it!" Jia holds up a hand. "Fighting!"

Then she's left alone.

THIS is the part of the drama that she would always find herself sliding to the end of her seat with anticipation, embarrassment -- actually, a ton of embarrassment because she's stupidly shy more often than she cares to admit. But she can hear the music again, and focuses on that, steadying herself for the inevitable explanation of WHY she's here to see Jackson.

Her hand reaches for the door. There's a cough behind her.

"Erm --"

She jumps, eyes wide. Bambam stands behind her shyly, mouth opened and his hand extended towards the door.

"Oh my god."

"Sorry!" He gives her a sheepish smile. "But you're here," he says. "Jackson hyung didn't say anything about --"

"He doesn't know," she says quickly, and when Bambam reaches for the door, she grabs his wrist, dragging him back. She sort of trips him into the wall, covering his mouth with her hand. "Shhhh!"

He laughs against her hand. His face is red though. She drops the bag and stumbles back, bright red too. She laughs nervously, waving her hands around.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She's sheepish too. "I'm not thinking."

"It's okay," he says, shrugging. He eyes the bag. "Should I go get him?"

"No!" Her hand claps over her mouth. Her eyes widen and oh god, did she really think that this was going to be a good idea? "No," she says again. She tries to look apologetic. "I mean -- I eventually have to go and talk to him and give him --" she holds up the bag, fumbling, "this! I have to give him this!"

"What did you get him?" Bambam moves to her curiously, trying to peek into the bag. "I thought you got him that hat for his birthday?"

"I did! But I thought that..." she trails off because it's chocolate and well, it's nowhere near Valentine's Day even though she could have probably used that as an excuse. She's a disaster, she thinks.

But Bambam is already walking away from her, grinning to himself, and then everything happens in slow motion, her hand stretching out to stop him again. She should have bribed Guk Joo-eonni for the rest of the list. Her heart is pounding and she hears Bambam yell over the music, "HYUNG! Sister-in-law is here!" and oh god, seriously, she is a BETTER planner than this.

The music stops. There's laughter and whistles and she watches, half-horrified, as the door flings open and Jackson is there, floored, delighted, surprise. She doesn't even know where to start because the rest of his members suddenly pile behind him and are cheering. She gives a shy, little wave and she's reverting back to fourteen, she thinks, and would really like to kick herself.

"You're here!" he exclaims, rushing forward. He skids to a stop and suddenly looks confused. "But why?"

"Um," she searches for a response, staring at him. He's closer, hovering and she reaches out, pushing at his chest. "To see you, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I guess," she says.

His brow furrows and she can't even think of an excuse. She was resolute in the beginning. She was going to kiss him FIRST to prove a point. She thinks. Maybe. Okay, well, maybe not.

She shoves the bag forward. "Here. Chocolate."

He laughs. "It's not," he teases her, taking it, "Valentine's Day, idiot. Why chocolate?"

"I brought it from Japan," she says.

"You're avoiding the question."

"You _like_ chocolate. Why are we arguing about chocolate?"

He stomps his foot. "Because," he says and her fingers are curling in his shirt. Somehow she's gotten closer to him too, pushing forward. You're about to be stupid, she tells herself. But she's not even listening to herself either.

She moves forward, pushing herself onto her toes, pressing her legs together and okay, okay, it just sort of happens that she grabs his face. His eyes are huge. Her palms flush against his cheeks and he's warm, a little sweaty, and her ears are ringing. Maybe if she stepped a little closer. Maybe she should just tell him.

"Close your eyes," she murmurs. She licks her lips. She starts to sway. "Please."

"What --" his breath catches, "why?"

She doesn't respond.

She thinks she's trembling a little. Her mouth touches his and she is suddenly, almost explosively aware of everything around her. Her stomach is swirling with nerves. She's shaking even more when his mouth opens back against hers and they're sort of, okay, they're _more_ than sort of kissing because she can taste something sweet and she knows it's not her. She makes a soft sound when his tongue presses against hers and she feels his hands hover, then push against her hips, flushed.

Then everything stops.

She hasn't felt this terrified since she started singing, through rejections and failures and more rejections. She thinks to herself again: he is _kissing_ me back but that in itself is even more complicated. She doesn't feel any braver. She feels worried. She feels excited. She feels like she could explode.

He pulls back first.

"Come on," he says, voice low, and then she's back to reality, the whistles and the excitement from his group members behind them sneaking into the moment. He waves them off and pulls her forward too.

Her head is spinning. The bag with chocolates is forgotten, mostly because it was a terrible idea and she'll probably remember it later, somewhere between kicking herself and hating that Jackson has become THE GUY, you know, the one that has walked her rationality out to a permanent vacation somewhere else.

They're back to the stairwell though, then he drags her up, further up to the company. His grip on her hand is tight. 

"Jackson --"

"This way," he says, pulling her through a door and she realizes he's brought her onto the roof. It's cold and he's pulling off his sweatshirt, dragging it over her shoulders. He pulls her close again.

Her mouth purses tightly.

"Don't look so nervous."

She lets out a shaky sigh, watching him through her lashes. They're surrounded by people all the time, she thinks, but they're always this close. His hands move to her shoulders and she feels his fingers sort of, maybe sink into the strands. He's watching her and for the first time, she doesn't know what he's thinking, or how to read him, and that scares her about a thousand times more.

"I can't help it," she mumbles. "You make me nervous."

"That's stupid. You've never told me that either," he replies. "When have I ever made you nervous?"

See? She's the worst planner. She can't even hide behind an event, a stupid one at that, because this is Jackson and she wants to say a million different things.

He straightens the jacket over her shoulders again.

"Now," she mumbles.

"That's dumb."

Her eyes narrow. " _You're_ dumb," she says and he laughs and his thumb slides itself over her lip.

"Yeah," he agrees then. "Sometimes."

His mouth turns and she almost, almost tells him about the list, about her stupid idea to KISS HIM FIRST without thinking about the point to prove.

"Sorry I'm not your ideal type."

It takes her a moment to realize what she's just blurted out -- her mouth sort of hangs open and his eyes are wide with surprise, bright even, then he laughs and cups her face again, thumbing her lip.

"You're an idiot," he says. "But I appreciate it."

"Stop," she mumbles, trying to look away. Instead his forehead settles against hers and he doesn't let her hide at all. He never has.

His mouth brushes over hers and she tastes his laugh a little too, sort of melting against him. She swears she hears him say _that list_ and maybe she should ask what three, four, and five are.

No, she thinks. He can have those secrets. Surprises are good enough too.

They really should see who confesses first.


End file.
